But I Love Him

Protecting Your Teen Daughter from Controlling, Abusive Dating Relationships

Book cover shows a blurred image of a young woman with the title "but i love him" and subtitle "Protecting Your Teen Daughter from Controlling, Abusive Dating Relationships" by Dr. Jill Murray.
ISBN: 0060957298
Pages: 208

Jill Murray's But I Love Him serves as a guide for parents, particularly those of teenage daughters, who may find themselves navigating the dangerous waters of abusive and controlling dating relationships. Drawing from her extensive experience as a licensed psychotherapist, Murray delves deeply into the emotional and psychological aspects of abusive relationships, providing parents with tools and strategies to recognize warning signs and intervene effectively.


  1. Awareness and Recognition: The book emphasizes the importance of understanding the subtle signs of an abusive relationship. Murray educates parents on recognizing patterns of control and manipulation that may not be immediately obvious.
  2. Communication: Murray advocates for open and non-judgmental communication between parents and their daughters. She provides practical advice on how to start difficult conversations and maintain a supportive dialogue.
  3. Empowerment: A significant focus is on empowering young women to understand their worth and recognize unhealthy relationship dynamics. Murray's approach includes building self-esteem and resilience in teens.
  4. Intervention and Support: The book offers actionable steps for parents to take when they suspect their daughter is in an abusive relationship, including how to provide support without pushing their child away.

Writing Style:

Jill Murray's writing is clear, compassionate, and authoritative. She balances professional insight with a relatable tone, making the book accessible to parents who might not have a background in psychology. Her use of real-life examples and case studies brings the content to life, offering readers concrete scenarios to understand the abstract concepts she discusses.


But I Love Him is an excellent resource for any parent concerned about their child's well-being in dating relationships. Murray's expertise shines through in her detailed analysis and practical advice. The book is commendable for its holistic approach, addressing not just the symptoms of abusive relationships but also the underlying issues that make teens vulnerable to such dynamics.

Given its subject matter, the book is thorough but also emotionally intense. Some readers may find certain sections distressing, but this is a testament to Murray's unflinching look at the realities of abusive relationships.

Similar Books:

  • Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft
  • The Gift of Fear: And Other Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence by Gavin de Becker
  • Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend


Jill Murray's But I Love Him is a compelling and necessary read for parents who want to safeguard their daughters from the dangers of abusive relationships. It is a blend of professional guidance, empathetic understanding, and practical advice, making it an indispensable tool for fostering healthy, respectful, and safe relationships for teenagers.