Why Does He Do That?

Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

"Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft is an insightful and comprehensive examination of the patterns, behaviors, and mindsets of abusive men. Bancroft, a seasoned counselor and expert on abusive relationships, draws from his extensive experience working with abusive men to shed light on their behavior and motivations. This book aims to help victims understand the psychological mechanisms behind abuse and control, offering a roadmap for recognizing, confronting, and ultimately escaping such relationships.



  1. Understanding Abuse: Bancroft delves into the psychological underpinnings of abusive behavior, debunking common myths and misconceptions. He emphasizes that abuse is not about anger management issues or a loss of control but is a deliberate choice made by the abuser to exert power and control over their partner.
  2. Power and Control: The book meticulously outlines various tactics abusers use to maintain dominance, such as manipulation, isolation, and intimidation. Bancroft emphasizes that these tactics are often subtle and insidious, making it difficult for victims to recognize the abuse for what it is.
  3. Cycle of Abuse: Bancroft explains the cyclical nature of abuse, describing how periods of apparent calm and affection can follow episodes of abuse, creating a confusing and emotionally tumultuous environment for the victim.
  4. Impact on Victims: The book highlights the profound psychological and emotional effects of abuse on victims, including low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression. Bancroft offers compassionate insights into the victim's experience, validating their feelings and encouraging self-empowerment.
  5. Breaking Free: Bancroft provides practical advice for victims seeking to leave abusive relationships, emphasizing the importance of safety planning and seeking support from friends, family, and professional resources.

Writing Style: Bancroft's writing is clear, empathetic, and authoritative. He balances professional expertise with a compassionate tone, making complex psychological concepts accessible to a broad audience. Using real-life examples and case studies enriches the narrative, providing tangible illustrations of the behaviors and patterns discussed.

Overall Assessment: "Why Does He Do That?" is a vital resource for anyone seeking to understand the dynamics of abusive relationships. Bancroft's insights are invaluable for victims, their loved ones, and professionals working in the field of domestic abuse. The book educates and empowers readers to recognize abusive behavior and take steps toward safety and healing. Bancroft's compassionate and knowledgeable approach makes this a must-read for anyone affected by or interested in the subject of abusive relationships.

Similar Books:

  1. The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans - This book explores verbal abuse in intimate relationships, providing strategies for recognizing and responding to it.
  2. Why Does She Stay?: A Guide for Understanding Domestic Violence by Susan Weitzman - Focuses on why victims often stay in abusive relationships and how they can find the strength to leave.
  3. When Love Goes Wrong: What to Do When You Can't Do Anything Right by Ann Jones and Susan Schechter - Offers insights into dealing with controlling and abusive partners, with practical advice for reclaiming one's life.
  4. The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker - While not solely about domestic abuse, this book provides important insights into recognizing and responding to dangerous situations, including those involving intimate partners.

Overall, Lundy Bancroft's "Why Does He Do That?" stands out for its depth of understanding and practical guidance, making it an essential read for those seeking to break free from the cycle of abuse.